Myopia
by ANBU2
Summary: Naruto's seeing pervy things, Dr. Hatake is pervy, who's more perverted at the optometrist?


**A/N: Shout out to my first reviewer for this story: BoxScraps! Thanks for reviewing! And yes, you are right heheh...**

Deciding on a cup of milk before I left the house, I sat down and poured myself a glass as an alarmingly fat cat leaped onto the table and nudged my arm as it purred, spilling a little milk onto the polished tabletop. Groaning, I grabbed a cloth and started to wipe up the mess, glaring halfheartedly at Madoka, my incredibly spoiled cream tabby cat.

"Now? Seriously? I'm gonna be late for my appointment soon..." I admonished. Immune to my looks, Madoka perched right in the center of the dinner table and then proceeded to lick her butthole with absolute vigor, staring balefully at me. Glancing back at the milk, a sudden thought struck me. _"It...kinda looks like... cum, doesn't it?" _Gasping, I quickly scrubbed away the mess, shocked at my own thoughts. _"W-what the hell?" _I shook my head and tossed the towel into the sink while leaving the kitchen. I sighed and stretched my arms behind my back while making my way through the empty hallway, grabbing my house keys and wallet on the way outside my apartment. Closing and locking the door behind me, I ran down the stairs and exited the complex, heading to the nearest bus stop, which was about five minutes sprint away.

I checked my watch and it was already 8:27! My appointment was barely 30 minutes away and the last bus left in three! Sprinting now, I glimpsed a peni- a _white fire hydrant_\- at the intersection and a beautiful curvy woman- _a watermelon!- _through the window of a grocery store (1). Panting, I closed my eyes in relief as I stopped in front of Bus Stop 60. _"Why not 69?" _ I clenched my fists. What was wrong with me? Why in Konoha did I keep having thoughts like this? _"Maybe it's because you visited your pervert of an uncle last week...". _Pausing, I mentally nodded. Seemed about right. My uncle's ability to perv was as contagious as the common cold. That must've been the issue. A couple of days from today and I'd probably be fine, free from the dirty thoughts in the recesses of my mind. I stood up straight as the bus pulled up right on time- 8:30. Smiling at the grumpy looking bus driver- _who shit in **her** coffee?-_ I found myself a seat near the middle of the bus and relaxed. Before I knew it, the bus was slowing down at my stop. Thanking the still angry-looking driver, I walked smoothly into Konoha General Optometry. Sakura and Ino, the receptionists, waved hello and I ambled up to the counter.

"Hey, Naruto! How've you been since last time? How're the kids?" Sakura had pastel dyed pink hair that complemented her jade eyes. Today she was wearing a white sundress with small red flowers stitched onto it- might've been a gift from her mother, who was a seamstress. I grinned at her- nice girl, really. She'd be girlfriend material if I was looking for one.

"We've been fine, Sakura. You know how it is- the usual misbehavior and stress that comes with the job! I don't regret it though- my only problem is waking up early for school!" A tinkle of a laugh came from Ino as she gave me a form to fill out.

"Unfortunately, your usual doctor, Dr. Lee, was replaced about a month ago. He was too loud, we could hear his voice through the walls. You'll be seeing a new optometrist- Dr. Hatake. He's fairly new to the practice, so you can tell us if you want to change your eye doctor after this appointment in case he's unsatisfactory." The blonde informed. I was quite good friends with her husband Sai, who was a little socially inept but fun to hang around after a while. I beamed and nodded, shifting when someone called my name.

He had silvery hair that was partial to one side, with a medical eye patch covering his left eye and a mask over his mouth and nose. He had a peculiar eye-smile and was wearing a long white doctor's coat. "Naruto Uzumaki?" He called again.

"Here!" I called out to him. He beckoned me to walk with him and I did so.

"Alright Mr. Uzumaki, my office is right around this corner. We're going to run some tests on your eyes since the last time you were here you came due to persisting eye irritation, am I correct?" I smiled and approved of the statement. He led me to a chair within his office and I took a seat. "Please wait here while I make preparations for testing." The room was spacious, with a table of magazines in front of the chair I was sitting in, with his desk in the corner across from me. A myriad of tools and gadgets lay to my right, along with a medical exam table. It was painted a pale cream color, with a white linoleum floor.

I decided to make myself busy by choosing a random magazine from the table in front of me. Opening it, I cringed as the magazine dropped from my hands and onto the floor.

"What the f-?" A sprawling naked woman had been staring seductively at me from the pages of the magazine. _Porn? What on earth? _I shut the magazine face down and placed it carefully back in the pile on the table, reaching for another magazine and this time looking at the cover. Porn. Porn. Porn. Porn. _Porn. _The stuff was everywhere! Why would Dr. Hatake have _porn _of all things for his patients' perusal in his office? I took another look around the room, standing up this time to have a closer investigation. On Dr. Hatake's desk was a rather thick pile of papers, held in place by a - was that a _penis?-_ paperweight. It certainly looked like a penis, I couldn't be wrong on this, could I? I resolved to not ask the doctor about this, that'd be an embarrassing topic. Instead, I could ask about the reason behind his eye patch. Sighing, I opted to stare at the door behind the table. After a while, the door creaked open and Dr. Hatake stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

"Hi- Dr. Hatake. Can I ask why you're wearing that eye-patch, by any chance?" I stood up and he pointed a lanky finger at his face.

"Oh, this? Hehe, my left eye is quite sensitive, so when it isn't covered up I tend to develop a very bad case of pink eye. Interesting, no?" I nodded, a little shocked at his story. "Now let's begin testing, shall we? I'm going to start off with a test of dimension." Here, he handed me a small black book, with a page marked down the middle. I examined the page closely as he instructed me to indicate which images were pop-ups. I pointed at each image that I found to be slightly hovering above the page. The pictures depicted were like simpler targets, made up of two concentric circles. Lots of the pictures seemed to be...

"Is that a boo-?" I was cut off as the book was snatched from my hand.

"Aaaaand thank you for your input, Mr. Uzumaki. Next, we'll be testing how well you can see color, alright?" He ignored me gaping at him incredulously. He shoved a teal book into my hands and snapped it open at the beginning. On the page was a circle and number composed of many differently colored dots. "Okay, Mr. Uzumaki. Let's see how well you do. Why don't you read what number you see on each page for me?"

Rolling my eyes, I huffed and glared down at the page, riffling through the book as fast as I could. "69, 69, 69, 69, 69... hold ON! Why are all of these..." The book was ripped from hands yet again.

"Good job! It seems that your ability to see colors is quite extraordinary! Now, what do you want to examine next, reading from a distance or reading up close?"

My open mouth clicked closed, and I glowered at the irritating eye-smiling doctor. "...from a distance..." Eye smile extending, Dr. Hatake guided my hand to cover my left eye and told me to read from the Snellen chart across the room. I grimaced. What would the chart have in store for me? I chose to read from the top to the bottom of the chart, starting with the one big letter and gradually going through all the smaller ones. "P... E... N... I... Wait! Why does it spell-"

"And thank you very much Naruto- can I call you that?-"

"HELL THE FUCK NO!"

"-Naruto, and now let's continue with reading close up, shall we?" My words were practically run over by his locomotive of a sentence as he offered me an orange book this time. Eyebrow twitching, I let out a rather gusty breath and took the book not-so-gently from his hands. "Now, can you read the highlighted paragraph for me?"

As I delved into the book, I observed that each was covered in pen markings, circles, and underlines. In each margin were questions and comments on the text! I turned to the waiting doctor. "Hey, have you been writing notes about this book?"

He nodded, eye-smile becoming eerily gleeful. "Indeed, I greatly admire the author of that book, and would love to one day be a writer just like him as a side job." He seemed very proud of this, and I inclined my head encouragingly.

"Well, good for you! Maybe one day I'll find your name on a book in the store!" Eye-smile and long, thin finger pointing back at the book. "Right," I muttered and started to read the indicated paragraph. " '...she moaned wantonly as his large hands skimmed her naked, wanting body. "Do you want this?" he whispered lowly in her ear, and she cried out in pleasure, begging for his touch, begging for his..'" I stopped. I shut the book and handed it back to him. I bowed and exited the room with as much dignity I could muster at the time. I smiled shakily at the receptionist Sakura and Ino and left the Konoha General Optometry.

* * *

_Konoha General Optometry:_

_I apologize for having left so suddenly after my appointment with Dr. Hatake, who is the subject of this letter. I found him too... peculiar for my liking and would like to kindly request a change in my optometrist. As I am a regular at Konoha General, I hold no grudge over the mishaps of this appointment. I was only appalled and slightly disgusted at the fact that Dr. Hatake **annotates porn **as a hobby._

_Thank You, _

_Naruto Uzumaki _

* * *

_Mr. Naruto Uzumaki:_

_We regret your decision to change your optometrist. Konoha General Optometry is an optometrist that will keep prioritizing the happiness of its patients over its profit. Thus, we will grant your request to have your optometrist changed to Dr. Neji Hyuuga from Dr. Kakashi Hatake. And, as further compensation, attached is your forgotten prescription and results from your appointment with Dr. Hatake. We apologize for any inconveniences that we may have caused you._

_Regards,_

_Konoha General Optometry_

_625-664-6692_

**-END-**

**_Translations and Explanations:_**

**_(1): _**anyone who's seen the anime should know about the curvy watermelon incident with Naruto and Jiraiya.

**Madoka – **circle, round

**Snellen Chart** **\- **a physical or digital chart that is placed around 20 feet or 6 meters away from the patient and has alphabets in decreasing order of size.

_**A/N: And that's a wrap! I suddenly got this idea while at the eye doctor a couple of days ago and I stupidly wrote this without drafting anything out or planning (oops). I also have just returned from a one-month summer vacation to Asia, so I hope my writing is at the very least somewhat enjoyable after a while of no writing! Please leave reviews as I use them to try to improve my writing. I'm going to rate this M just to be safe for all those innocent readers out there! I'll be back! Author out!**_


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